It’s a terrifying, often saddening time when you question how you can possibly fix your marriage. Usually by the time we even start to realize things are getting really bad, they are even worse than we thought. Just by putting voice to those concerns makes them seem so much more real, and frightening. The good news is that if the TWO of you are willing to put the work in, your marriage can not only be saved but it can be made STRONGER than it’s ever been before. Don’t give up, if you put in the work, you can make it work!

There are many ways that marriage problems can manifest themselves. Sometimes it’s a subtle growing apart, a lack of connection. Sometimes it’s far more obvious, and destructive, such as an affair. The thing to remember is that most of the time the reasons behind these problems is the same: lack of COMMUNICATION and lack of APPRECIATION.

Ask yourself this question and be honest: do you still treat your spouse the same way you did when you were first together? I’m not talking about the stage where you can’t keep your hands off of each other. No, for most of the time that fades away a bit and to a point that’s ok. I’m talking about the small day to day things. When the two of you first started dating did you always say please and thank you? Do you still? If not, why not? It’s just common courtesy. Do you say please and thank you with co-workers or waiters in a restaurant? Why not with your own spouse?

This may seem overly simplistic but if you stop to think about it, it’s a tell tale sign that you aren’t showing your spouse the appreciation you should be. If you are showing more courtesy to strangers and co-workers than you are to your spouse how can you really be surprised that your marriage isn’t what you’d like it to be?

Now that we’ve identified the fact that maybe you’ve fallen into the trap of taking your spouse for granted, how do you fix it? Simple, you STOP. Always be aware of the tone of voice you use when talking to your spouse. Do you sound rude or impatient? If so, CHANGE it. Do you sound more polite when talking to a server in a restaurant than with your spouse? You need to always be on the lookout for these bad habits when you interact with your spouse. If you keep an eye out for them you’ll quickly learn when you do them and you can train yourself to stop doing it.

If things in your marriage have been bad for a long time you’ll most likely have a lot of hurt, anger and resentment to work past and you may want to get help from a professional. If you and your spouse have a lot of issues, it may be easier to have a therapist help you both navigate the troubled waters of anger and resentment. It’s usually best to have someone who can steer the boat otherwise the hurt and anger the two of you feel will just push you onto the rocks.

In answer to your question “how to fix my marriage” the advice I’ve given you here should help you get started. Just because it’s simple advice don’t discount it’s effectiveness. Just showing your love and appreciation for your spouse on a DAILY BASIS can make them feel loved and respected and most of the time they’ll want to reciprocate those feelings. If you’re both trying to please each other, think how happy the two of you can be!

So I ask you today, take a moment and think about what you appreciate most about your spouse, and voice that to them. Communicate that appreciation to them, and watch their reaction, you may just be surprised at how much they really needed that from you!